The Six Layers of Grief™
Grief is often described as an emotional experience, but loss can affect far more than how we feel.
It can change our sense of identity, alter our relationships, affect the body, distort our experience of time, challenge what gives life meaning and make it difficult to feel fully present.
The Six Layers of Grief™ is the framework I use in my coaching to understand these different ways grief can show up.
They are not stages. There is no order you need to follow and no layer you need to “complete.”
At different times, one layer may feel more present than another.
Then explain each one properly.
1. Self
Who am I now?
Loss can change identity.
It can alter roles, routines, confidence, independence and the way you understand yourself.
Sometimes part of grief is not only missing someone or something — it is also grieving the person you were before the loss.
2. Relationships
Why do my relationships feel different?
Loss can change friendships, family dynamics, intimacy and your sense of belonging.
Some people become unexpectedly close.
Others may disappear.
You may also discover that what you need from relationships has changed.
3. Body
Why does grief feel physical?
Grief doesn’t live only in thoughts and emotions.
It may show up as exhaustion, tension, restlessness, heaviness, disrupted sleep or changes in your ability to concentrate and function.
4. Time
Why does life feel divided into “before” and “after”?
Grief can alter your experience of time.
The past may feel incredibly close.
The future may be difficult to imagine.
Anniversaries and milestones can carry enormous emotional weight.
5. Meaning
What does life mean now?
Loss can challenge beliefs, assumptions, hopes and plans.
Questions that once had simple answers may suddenly become complicated:
What matters to me now?
What am I living towards?
How do I make sense of what happened?
6. Presence
How do I live here while carrying what I’ve lost?
Sometimes we’re functioning but not really present.
Presence isn’t about forgetting the past or forcing yourself to feel grateful.
It’s about slowly learning to inhabit the life that exists now while continuing to carry what matters to you.
Then at the bottom comes the connection to your service:
How I use the Six Layers in coaching
The Six Layers are not six separate coaching programmes. They give us a way to understand where grief may be affecting your life most strongly.
In our one-to-one coaching, we may explore one layer more deeply for a time or move between several layers depending on what is happening in your life. The work is shaped around you rather than following a fixed sequence.